One Man's Thoughts On Sarah Palin

Mike, you won't fucking believe it!

What the fuck, Doug, it's three in the morning. Don't you knock?

I haven't slept in days, listen man! I had the best fucking idea, the best man, the best, shit.

Shh...shh. I'll get up, stop hitting, oh, ow, stop, alright. Alright, the best idea you said, what is ---- are you bleeding? Do you have a nosebleed?

Yeah, hit the door of my room running into yours.

You're bleeding all over your forehead, Doug! And your forearms...is that glass? Jesus, man.

Long night. So! We need a car to get around the city, right?

I work two blocks away, Mike, remember? Sometimes it's like you don't even know your brother. And speaking of, what is it you are actually doing for money right now?

EXACTLY. A car. So I was thinking for a while and then fucking Sharise, man, Sharise?

What does she have to do with anything? I haven't talked to her in weeks.

Mike, fuck man! This isn't just about you. Anyway, Sharise. She blows that guy at the dealership, right?

Don't say that. She doesn't deserve that. Wait, you mean Keith? Keith Harvin? God.

....

God DAMMIT!

So, I talked to her and she talked to Keith...

YOU WHAT?

And his boss is on vacation, so I'm gonna be riding those Lexuses around for the next eight days. I only have to give Keith, like, 40 bucks, the RX, the GS...that reminds me, remember when were playing Soul Calibur that time?

On the Dreamcast? That was like, Christmas break freshman year...

Yeah and I beat you with Cervantes? You still owe me, like, 30 bucks, so, you know, whenever, anyway I'm gonna drive the Lexus to Kaitlyn's and maybe like Vermont?

Doug. I know you want a car. But this is a terrible, terrible idea. First, you should have told me you were going to talk to Sharise. You've met her, once?

Twice. Three, counting today.

Twice. Just go back to Best Buy, you were making like $17 an hour.

Nah.

Why the hell not?

...you don't...tuesday inventory with...no.

Fine. Fine. You j--fine. Then do something else and save up and lease a Chevy or something. This sounds good today to steal a Lexus off the lot---

Rent.

Yeah, rent, well, it's lease, first of all, and it's stealing. You think it's a good idea, but you're gonna get caught. It's stupid, is what it is. Stupid. Now let me go to bed.

I'll remember this, Mike! You've never believed in me, never trusted me. You want a ride to work, well fuck you, there's your ride, huh?

You shortsighted asshole. Leave me alone. It's 3:08 in the damn morning, and Doug, I work TWO BLOCKS AWAY!

And you're always gonna with that fucking attitude. I wonder if the dealership's open now. Man, a Lexus...

Call Mom for bail this time.

Psh. Keith has all of Monk on DVD. He's smart with that shit.